So, in a hilarious turn
for the weird, in my new job one of my responsibilities in graduate
recruitment.
“Do you know anything
about graduate issues?” they asked me, and I sort of burbled a bit
and then got afraid they'd seen my blog. (IF SO: HI GUYS.)
I actually really enjoy
my job. People are still nice, I'm getting more responsibilities, I
don't have horrible jaggy days where I hate myself and my job so much
I just want to cry or burn down the office or possibly both. Okay, I
still occasionally think 'Is this it?' and the Circle line is the
bane of my life, but things are on the up.
My job has also opened
my eyes about graduate recruitment. Now, I've actually been part of
several recruitment drives before, and I've also a few years now of
HR and employment law and all that stuff. All the things I've said
previously remain valid. However, never before had I seen specific
graduate recruitment. Sure, I've seen the other side of it as an
applicant, but this is new to me.
And finally! it means I
have something relevant for blogging about. My reflections on London,
whilst fascinating to myself, are a wee bit off message, and a lot of
the other stuff is difficult to write about in a sufficiently
anonymous way.
So, for future
reference, I work in a company that specialises in providing
vurglesplat experts to the wider world. What's vurglesplat, you say.
Well, bluntly, it's a small industry full of nerds and I'm not being
specific. Crucially, I work in the HR department. The technological
people may as well be doing vurglesplat for all I understand of it.
It makes for an entertaining night at the pub, where they talk about
their projects and then look at me expectedly.
Anyway, we are now
looking for junior vurglesplatters. Vurglesplat is something you can
study at uni in modules and in specific postgrad courses, and even if
your interest is only peripheral then it's okay, because lots of
training is provided. Good degree in something vaguely relevant –
business! maths! IT! engineering! all elements towards vurglesplat! -
and perhaps some work in the field, ish, and that's all we're asking.
Stupidly, I thought
this would be easy.
Here are some of the
reasons why graduate recruitment is harder than it needs to be.
1. Vurglesplatters are
really, really bad at explaining their job. You have no idea how long
it took to come up with a job advertisement. “No,” I had to keep
on gently saying, “two years industry experience is not a
reasonably request.”
2. Once that's done,
have you ANY IDEA how terrible university job centre websites are?
UNIMAGINABLY AWFUL that's what. As all sensible students and
graduates now, they are a great resource for looking up jobs that are
specifically hiring from their particular institution. I did hours of
research about universities that offered vurglesplat and did a good
course using similar vurglesplat theories. I looked up league tables.
Careers Centre, I want to hire YOUR students. WHY OH WHY do you have
websites that are nigh on impossible to use and why do you staff not
reply to emails?
(Although I'd like to
take a moment to big up my alma mater St Andrews for its swift
response within 20 minutes to my query. Knew I could trust you, guys!
Some other institutions, that will remain nameless, have stayed quiet
for a WEEK now.)
In all seriousness, a
job that should have taken perhaps an afternoon at best – simply
uploaded a job specification to 25+ institutions, how hard can that
be? - took me three days. I do have other work to do, you know.
3. Yes, yes, it's
probably easier to advertise on Milkround and Prospects. They cost a
lot of money, did you know that?
So, all of those things
are an issue and a barrier between graduates and soon-to-be gradautes
getting a job.
I can't talk much about
the process, because it's only just got started. However, we have
started to get some applications through. We don't have an
application form with lots of silly questions, because no one wants
to write it, bluntly. All we ask for is a CV. Here are The
Disorientated Graduate's hints and tips to get through the screening
process (i.e., er, me):
1. We are asking for
people to be vurglesplatters. Sure, trainee vurglesplatters, but it's
still a specific role. DO NOT tell me about how much you're enjoying
training to be an English teacher. Seriously, though, did you even
read the job specification? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK TO UPLOAD IT
TO YOUR INSTITUTION?
2. Grammar and spelling
are your friend! So, it must be said, is a covering letter. They're
not essential, but it's a good way of listing your 'soft skills'.
3. You may not have
relevant industry experience. When I left uni, my industry experience
was to be a cleaner, a care home assistant or a shop worker. So I
sympathise with you, particularly if you have a good academic
background and have passed the first two stages of my checklist. So,
as a hint, turn your part time job into an example of how good you
are at the world of work based on the job specification. Does the job
want good time management? Well, you need that if you work in a shop
because of the different tasks that need doing WHILST still being
able to drop everything and serve a customer! Teamwork? Well, being a
waiter involves being part of a chain of people involved in one
single aim! Think outside of the box, a bit. Personally I'm deeply
sympathetic but there's only so much I can to make other people look
at your CV.
4. To return to point
1, seriously, do look at the job you're applying for though, yes? I
am fed up of logging POINTLESS applications.
That's the only
experience I have thus far. We've barely started shifting through
applications, let alone interviewing and that. Still, it's
interesting and also GOOD BLOG MATERIAL.
Now if you'll excuse me
I have a stinking cold and need to return to curling up in a blanket.
